Scary Teeth

Waikiki Halloween 2012

It’s Halloween! Is your costume scary or sexy? If you’re aiming for scary, you’d better have terrible teeth, because nothing says scary as effectively as a rotting mouth of tooth decay. On television, no one has mastered scary teeth and villainy better than the Supernatural. This long-running series on the WB network follows the lives of brothers Sam and Dean Winchester. As professional “hunters” the siblings seek out a wide assortment of demons and monsters, and dispatch them to the afterlife. But last season they faced their greatest challenge ever when they battled the Leviathan. These monsters had nothing but giant saw-toothed mouths where their faces should be.

The Zombie Approach

Equally disturbing are the zombie mouths on the AMC series The Walking Dead. In this popular drama, a handful of survivors battles hordes of roaming zombies in post-apocalyptic America.

Being undead has countess disadvantages and clearly one of those includes neglecting oral hygiene. The thing about zombie mouths is that not only do they have blackened and decaying teeth, they also have decay on the outside of their mouths, too. But don’t let those teeth fool you! Zombie teeth are tough as nails; they can reduce their prey to zombie chum in a matter of minutes.

The Vampire Approach

On the other hand, if you’re aiming for something more racy than scary this Halloween, try adding some vampire fangs to your outfit. Vampire fangs are no longer scary, they’re downright sexy.

True Blood on HBO, The Vampire Diaries on the CW network and the Twilight films all feature vampires that are young, buff and attractive. And with the exception of two fangs on the upper row, vampire teeth perfect–immaculately aligned, cavity free and pearly white.

Nothing Says Sexy Like Fangs

Vampire teeth are so hot some people don’t even wait for Halloween to come around before sporting pairs. Instead, they go to dental offices for fang-shaped veneers, temporary pointed incisors placed on the upper set of teeth. They will eventually wear down over time, but for the going rate of around $200 they’re a safe and fun alternative for the vampire-obsessed. And dental clinics that offer these veneers report that it is a much better idea instead of filing away your own teeth—a scary practice some suburban teens allegedly undertook by themselves to achieve that cosmetic effect.

If you don’t wish to go that far, most costume stores carry a wide assortment of fangs, ranging from cheap plastic and uncomfortable to the more expensive custom fitted thermoplastic caps.

Of course, make-believe scary teeth are well and good for TV and the movies, but make sure you take care of your own set of choppers. In the real world, there’s no entertainment value with bad teeth, and they are far scarier than anything Hollywood could possibly dream up.

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